Why Does God Let Bad Things Happen
“Mommy, why does God let bad things happen?” My child should have been asking me how many Pokémon there are or how to do a cartwheel. Instead her little eyes looked up at me, trying to understand pain and death. The truth is, I have asked why God let things happen too. Why did He let me meet the wrong people, why did He let me make mistakes, and why did He let my babies die? I know He is not a cruel god. I know He didn’t take my babies from me, but I also know He is all powerful and all knowing. If He knew these things were going to happen and had the power to stop it, why didn’t He? I think everyone who has been through trauma has asked some variation of this question. What’s worse is the general public’s response to tragedy. “God has a plan.” “God will use this for good.” “All in God’s timing.” “God has a reason.” While I bit my tongue and nodded, Jack had the guts to respond with what I was really thinking. He would immediately reply, “Really? What was God’s reason for my son dying?” Not a single person has had an answer for him.
My father, mother, and husband laying their hands on me as I cry holding Calvin right after his birth.
Maybe the reason no one has an answer, is because they’re wrong. Pain and suffering were never part of God’s plan from the very beginning. He created a perfect world with everything we could need, free of disease and pain. In that perfect world, God also created autonomy. He granted us the freedom to make our own choices, but with that freedom brought sin. Sin is what brought death and destruction into the world. Some misconstrue this to mean our own personal sin is what leads to tragedy in our lives as a sort of punishment, but God’s love is unconditional. He loves us through our mistakes and waits for us to find our way back to Him. A loving God does not want us to suffer. He doesn’t take our mistakes and punish us cruelly. Why would God wish something on us that we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemies? When destruction and pain became a part of our world, it entered God’s heart as well. He hurts when we hurt, His heart breaks when our heart breaks.
Since pain was not a part of God’s plan, He certainly does not make us go through tragedy to assuage the pain of others. What God can do is provide us opportunities to use our own grief for good. The choice is still ours. The reason for the tragedy was not for something good to happen, but rather we can use our tragedy as our reason to do something good. It does give me a sense of purpose and brings healing to my life when I learn my writing has helped someone, but I would never say God let my sons die so that I could help others. My sons died. It is something awful that happened and there is no reason or purpose for it happening. I chose to take my heart ache and put it to use. I didn’t want my sons to die in vain.
This does not mean we can’t be angry at God. He wants us to bear all our feelings to Him. We can scream, cry, and yell at Him, much like a child yells at their parents. Parents are the proverbial punching bag, because they’re the safe space where kids can release all their big emotions that they can’t yet handle. I have questioned Him and gone to Him in agony, but I am no less faithful. I think there is a beauty in a relationship where He accepts me at my weakest. He sits with me in the pain and loves me without offense. He embraces us, bringing us closer to Him.
“So often it felt like I was getting an unbalanced amount of pain. In a world where people only post the joys in their life, where burdens are only shared once they’ve reached their happy conclusion, and where people praise Him in triumph but don’t acknowledge the battle, I felt isolated and struggled to connect with people. ”
So often it felt like I was getting an unbalanced amount of pain. In a world where people only post the joys in their life, where burdens are only shared once they’ve reached their happy conclusion, and where people praise Him in triumph but don’t acknowledge the battle, I felt isolated and struggled to connect with people. It suddenly felt like grief and tragedy ostracized me. As disconnected as I felt, I watched others struggle to connect with me. People are uncomfortable when they can’t relate. It creates awkward silence and even when there are no words, people feel compelled to speak. Truthfully, miscarriage and stillbirth impact everyone. Those on the outside are forced to face a harsh reality of what can happen to anyone. It terrifies them and they have to find a logic in it. Perhaps it distances them from the pain. If this was all God’s plan, it makes it feel less out of control. It feels less like it could happen to them. Sometimes, it is easier to believe God had no knowledge or control in these moments. Everyone takes comfort in easy answers and so they feel a desire to give you simple answers, to bring understanding in a senseless tragedy. As frustrating as these seemingly dismissive comments can feel, I try to remember the heart behind the statement. I know their goal was to do some good. They are scrambling to give even an ounce of comfort. In reality, the biggest comfort is sitting with us and letting us feel our pain. We don’t need someone to take that pain away, we need to feel accepted with all our wounds and sorrows.
Ultimately, I believe that God does not want bad things to happen and He does not make a choice to let them happen. But when tragedy does strike, He provides us an opportunity to allow good to come from it. He stays with us in tragedy and accepts our brokenness. There is no simple or perfect answer to write when we ask why God allows bad things to happen. I don’t know if anyone will fully comprehend on this side of life, but I know what we do with our pain is in our control. God loves us enough to give us our choices.